1 Samuel 7:18 Then King David went in and sat before the Lord and said, ‘Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?
Saul, who had brought David into his own home just to be nice, was now trying to kill him. And David was on the run. He ran up mountains and down valleys. He hid his tracks by forging rivers and camping in caves. And when David was hungry, there were no five-course meals for him to eat. He had to hunt, and pick tubers and leaves, and sometimes even eat grasshoppers.
Living in the desert, sleeping in caves, eating grasshoppers, these were not things David imagined doing when he was raised as a prince in Saul’s palace. And at first, David was very miserable. He was sunburned and thirsty. He could never find a very comfortable position to rest, let alone sleep. And the crunch and ooze of the grasshoppers made him gag. But as the days passed, he started to like the simple, nourishing bug. And sometimes he’d find a date tree, and the sweetness was the most delicious thing he’d ever eaten.
And in a cave, David learned to be a king. He realized that a person can be the king of the whole world and yet a servant to himself. Saul had let jealousy dethrone him. He thought killing David would bring his kingdom back. But he was wrong. And David, who had learned from Saul how to fight and how to act like a king, was now learning from Saul how to fall like a tyrant.
And on the run, in the cave, through the desert, all alone, David found a new teacher. Because God was there. And he was teaching David how to be a king, not just of other people, but of his own self. And David learned many things. He learned the silence of the night was not emptiness. And in the silence, he could hear the small brush of his shoulder against the stone. The ruffle of cloth against his neck. Joints bend, muscles stretch and relax, breathe in, breathe out. He was alive again in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. Not since those star-filled evenings when he had watched his father’s sheep.
And when there was wind and storms, he felt a power rushing across his skin, and spilling into his mouth, filling his body. And sometimes he could hear not just his own breath, but another motion even deeper. Like God was speaking directly to his soul. And the unintelligible words wrapped him like a blanket, and showed him things he’d never known about the world and about himself.
He saw that even though he had lived in a beautiful palace and had an excellent education, and even though he had been famous ever since he had killed a giant, he wasn’t actually much different than anyone else. He got angry and wanted revenge. He depended on food and needed sleep. He, too, had pride and selfishness and lust. Maybe he had killed one giant, but there was a much bigger foe he had yet to meet on the battlefield.
And this second giant was much bigger than he’d ever realized. He’d always just focused on his many talents and his several good qualities. But now he was noticing that even these had hidden weaknesses. His skill with words and music had allowed him to cover his feelings and distort the truth. His confidence had blinded him to Jonathan’s sorrows. And his passions were leading him to worship God but also to commit violence against Saul.
And as David began to know himself better, he started to notice other people in a new way. People he passed in the desert. People who had been forgotten, exiled, ignored. And he saw their weakness, but in their weaknesses, he saw sleeping virtues. What at first looked like stubbornness was also steadfastness. What could be fear was also sensitivity. Addictions covered a craving for connection. Criminality was a sort of industry. Slowness was not only laziness, but also patience. Even disloyalty could be a kind of honesty.
And David gathered these outcasts to him. Criminals who couldn’t find a job. Addicts who didn’t know if they could ever be whole. Debtors who had lost everything they owned. Foreigners looking for a home. And David taught them how to know themselves. To see weaknesses in their strengths and strengths in their weaknesses. He built an army of the broken, the outcast, the weary. And they were brave and mighty. And they were not only brave and mighty because they fought Saul and his legions, but because they were fighting their own demons, too.
And every time they won another battle, the army cheered for David, for the man who had shown them that small people could face giants. And David faced his giant time and time again. Not once but twice, David had a chance to kill Saul, but David told himself, “I am not like Saul. I will never be like Saul. I will never let jealousy destroy me or my family.” So David let Saul live. And that was a victory. And the people cheered for David the mighty, David the giant slayer, David the just, David the good. Even Saul had to admit David’s nobility.
And David became one of the most famous kings to ever live. And he did all the great things you’d imagine he’d do. And he built a kingdom with a palace right in the middle of a powerful city called Jerusalem. He put a flag on the wall and said, “This is where we are going to build the city of God.” But as king, he was very important and incredibly busy, and he stopped spending time in caves, or out in the desert, or climbing mountains. And as he became the king to more and more people, he forgot to be king of himself. He forgot about his own giants. He forgot that his great strengths contained fatal weaknesses.
His passion led him to worship God, to dance for God, to sing praises to God. But it also led him to desire things that didn’t belong to him. And in the end, David was not very different from Saul. And just like Saul, David’s jealousy drove him to kill another person. And when David realized what he’d done, he wept, “I’m sorry, God. I am so sorry!” He’d promised himself he’d never be like Saul, and now here he was, Saul all over again. A bad guy. A sinner. A fallen king.
And David knew what he had to do. He had to face the silence. To be back in the cave. To look inside himself, even though he was terrified of what he might find there. His goodness shriveled and small and pathetic, and his badness vast and overgrown. But David was determined to look. To face another giant. And when he looked this time, the giant was bigger and scarier than he’d ever imagined. And David didn’t know how he could ever win. But like he’d done so long ago, when he’d faced Goliath, when life had seemed simple and straightforward, when belief was fresh and pure, David believed again. He believed in the boy who was still inside of him, somewhere. And he believed that somehow, someway, God could deliver him from even this new, indomitable foe.
And he was right. As David faced his giant, he heard whispers, like a deep echo. The words of God were reaching into his soul. And they spoke for a long time, and while he didn’t know the words, he knew what they meant. Somehow, miraculously, God still loved him, and believed in him, and was rescuing him, even though he was not perfect or practically perfect or mostly perfect or even particularly remarkable.
No, David was not a remarkable person. But he was a remarkable king. And you are also a king. You are not one thing but many. You are goodness and badness all knit together. And to be a good king is to be still. To look inside. To breathe. To hear. To know. And when you find weaknesses, look for hidden strengths. And when you find strengths, look for camouflaged weaknesses. And always look for help. Your friends and family are not perfect. But they will still fight for you. Look for their strengths. See their goodness. Trust that God can create an army out of broken pieces. And with this army, you will face giants. And when you do, don’t look away. Even if what you see is ugly, bad, and shameful. Be like David, look and trust. Because God is great enough to deliver you and everyone else from even the worst parts of ourselves.
To purchase a hard copy of The Bible Storybook: The Old Testament, visit ForLittleSaints.com
To access the complete audiobook of The Bible Storybook: The Old Testament, become a Friend of Faith Matters by subscribing at FaithMatters.org/subscribe.
