Why do people leave the church and how should we engage with friends or family members who leave?
from The Big Questions Project
It’s easy to see why this is a Big Question. This is an age of widespread disaffiliation from religion, especially among younger people. And most of us have a loved one or friend who has decided to step away from the church. It’s important to understand why. It’s important to understand how this transition feels from their point of view. It’s important to understand what part we might play, for good or ill.
Our friend Joseph Grenny explored this question in a very personal way in a wonderful presentation at Restore in 2024:
Our good friend, the late Melissa Wei-Tsing Inouye, wrote a really helpful post which includes some great resources to dig into:
What to do when loved ones leave the Church
This is a painful and sensitive topic. It’s exhausting both for those who are going through a faith transition and those who feel stable in their faith. It can feel as if it’s not just your “beliefs” or “ideas” that are on trial, but who you are deep-down. For people on both sides, engaging in this conversation can feel like digging fence post holes with a dull shovel or going to the dentist for a root canal.
She also recorded a wonderful conversation on this topic with Jana Riess, author of The Next Mormons: How Millennials Are Changing the LDS Church:
Melissa also interviewed David Ostler about how we as family, friends and fellow ward members can unknowingly contribute to people leaving the flock. David wrote a terrific book on the subject titled Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question.
As a bonus, we also have this really insightful conversation between Patrick Mason and Spencer Fluhman, prominent scholars and writers who have published and spoken widely on this subject:
We also discussed this topic with Jeff Strong:
This topic also came up during a live discussion at The Compass between Jared Halverson and Terryl Givens:
This was also the topic of a recent episode of Article 13, a narrative podcast from Faith Matters:
And James Goldberg wrote about his experience with this topic for Wayfare issue 5: