Why do people leave the church and how should we engage with friends or family members who leave?
from The Big Questions Project
It’s easy to see why this is a Big Question. This is an age of widespread disaffiliation from religion, especially among younger people. And most of us have a loved one or friend who has decided to step away from the church. It’s important to understand why. It’s important to understand how this transition feels from their point of view. It’s important to understand what part we might play, for good or ill.
Our friend Joseph Grenny explored this question in a very personal way in a wonderful presentation at Restore in 2024:
Joseph Grenny: The Honest Truth about our Messy Families
This week, we’re going to share what we think was an “instant classic” from last week’s Restore Gathering; a deeply personal and thought-provoking message about family, faith, and the complexity of life from Joseph Grenny, author of Crucial Conversations and co-founder of many organizations, including The Other Side Academy.
Our good friend, the late Melissa Wei-Tsing Inouye, wrote a really helpful post which includes some great resources to dig into:
What to do when loved ones leave the Church
This is a painful and sensitive topic. It’s exhausting both for those who are going through a faith transition and those who feel stable in their faith. It can feel as if it’s not just your “beliefs” or “ideas” that are on trial, but who you are deep-down. For people on both sides, engaging in this conversation can feel like digging fence post holes with a dull shovel or going to the dentist for a root canal.
She also recorded a wonderful conversation on this topic with Jana Riess, author of The Next Mormons: How Millennials Are Changing the LDS Church:
Melissa also interviewed David Ostler about how we as family, friends and fellow ward members can unknowingly contribute to people leaving the flock. David wrote a terrific book on the subject titled Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question.
As a bonus, we also have this really insightful conversation between Patrick Mason and Spencer Fluhman, prominent scholars and writers who have published and spoken widely on this subject:
We also discussed this topic with Jeff Strong:
Jeff Strong: The Ongoing Tug-of-War Between Tradition and Change
Last year, Jeff and his team sent out a survey to the Faith Matters audience as part of a larger research project on faith and church participation. Over 1,600 of you responded, and the results were fascinating! We’re excited to share them with you today. What emerged was a picture of a significant and often unheard cross-section of the Church—a community of people who are deeply devoted but also wrestling, holding both conviction and complexity, faith and struggle, all at once.
In this conversation, Jeff walks us through some of the most powerful insights from the survey, with a special focus on culture and aspects of our faith experience that are shaping our sense of belonging, meaning, and connection. He explores what people love most about being part of this tradition, where they encounter real challenges.
One of the clearest themes in the survey is the tension between tradition and change—a familiar story in faith traditions across the world. Jeff explores what it means to hold that complexity well, in our families, community, and our own hearts. He addresses the power of finding others who are walking a similar path, and why recognizing we’re not alone in this wrestle can be so meaningful.
This topic also came up during a live discussion at The Compass between Jared Halverson and Terryl Givens:
Jared Halverson & Terryl Givens: Can Doubt be a Spiritual Gift?
Today we’re excited to share a special live episode recorded at the Compass Gallery in Provo, as part of our Big Questions series with Terryl Givens. Each month, Terryl is joined by a guest for a conversation about some of our biggest theological and historical questions.